Bili-boy

I can hardly believe it, but we’re finally parents to a glorious little boy Benjamin. It came as something of a surprise actually, despite A being pregnant. At 37 weeks (Monday the 17^th) A went into a very, very rapid labour at home (it was hard to witness, I can only imagine how hard it was to experience) and I would like to say we handled it in a Zen way. Alas, we both panicked. Our renos weren’t done, the house was a dump (there were literally random chunks of used wood leaning against our dining room wall) and both of us were supposed to still be at work! A’s brother got married today (Saturday) and not only were we supposed to be there, but I was co-facilitating the service itself and A was supposed to wear a stunning and expensive dress and be a groomsmaid standing by her brother! Suffice it to say, although we were ready to be parents, we were not ready to be in labour. A crew of friends mobilized to return the house to something resembling acceptable, and the grandparents/ aunts/ uncles were deployed from their various cities. We asked our contractor to keep working away to get the new spare bathroom done faster. So during labour/pushing, our peanut gallery of labour guests downstairs alternately heard A moan and him sing away to his “best hits of all time” radio station. Precious. A pushed like a goddess and the three wise women midwives fluttered around us as we grunted and flexed our muscles in unison, my body against hers, until A pulled up onto her chest the wet slippery piece of perfection that is our son around 6pm. Seven pounds 4oz, crying for air, he came out with a mop of gorgeous dark hair and nothing will ever be the same.

We nested at home, with help from family and friends until Thursday when our midwife visit revealed a worrying amount of jaundice. She took samples of his blood, which was the beginning of his career as a pin cushion, and called which the results later suggesting we head to the hospital. A sobbed and I ran around like a chicken. I’ll admit I wanted to finish painting something for the reno (which was a total failure, of course!). How insignificant it feels now. We’ve been at the hospital since Thursday night (it’s Saturday night). Friday was categorically miserable, since our emotions roller-coastered as his bilirubin levels fluctuated (bilirubin is the chemical that causes jaundice, which the liver usually takes care of but which light therapy also works on eliminating). At one point the levels were so high, they put lines into his belly button to prepare for a full blood replacement to his body. Those were dark moments since we could not be with him and were so scared. He wasn’t in pain though at least, and the little warrior and his special UV lights fought off transfusion! By then, A had slept some 4 hours out of 48 or so, her milk had arrived in full glorious, miraculous force and she was a wreck. Most of the time I’ve been keeping it together (despite feeling really angry sometimes and wanting to wrest control from the nurses), and thank god we were both able to sleep last night, shower this morning, and laugh about how silly our little bili-boy Benjamin looks in his paper sunglasses. I did fight and win for him to get breastmilk by NG tube yesterday since he was just getting an IV. His bili is going down steadily now and it looks like he is on the mend, barring any bad infection results (we get those tomorrow). We are so blessed in so many ways. The NICU nurses are fierce and skilled caregivers, A finally got to breastfeed him today (he had to stay under the healing lights constantly until then) and our support system is award winning. We have a son. We are mothers at last. I feel like I am going through the motions and still have to process all of this. I’ll keep you posted. 

E