A place of love

I honestly don’t know how we’re going to make it; to the birth, through the birth, after the birth. We are both so wound up tight it is amazing we have a kind word left for each other. My body doesn’t carry a child but it feels like it carries a heavy load nonetheless because my joints, especially my knees, and my shoulder and neck are tight and achy, relieved in short lapses by therapy, massage or country week-ends with old friends (thanks girls!). After an age-old argument about the inevitable accumulation of stuff in our house, a nesty A said she is not coming from a place of love right now and hasn’t been for weeks. She’s stuck in her pregnant, mutinous body and all-engines-firing mind. It doesn’t help that we haven’t really connected in ages either. At a time when we need more than ever to be strong unit, we are fractured and snippy. With 6 weeks left to go, a to-do list out the wazoo and a renovation in progress, I crave union and togetherness before two becomes three. I’m not ready to lose A to our imminently new source of attention, especially not before there is an actual baby born. I know the child will break our hearts wide open in ways we could never have imagined. I look forward to that ego-busting, humility-inducing, earth-shattering love. I just hope there’s something left for each other.

NB: A would like you to know we have been sharing our bed again for several months. It's entertaining, what with the pillow-wrestling, multiple bathroom breaks and such, but it's nice to lie beside each other and let our pheromones mingle anyway.

E