river rocks

Sometimes they have rough parts, awkward and uncomfortable parts. But the powerful forces of water, and time, happen. They happen slowly, until one day there is a smooth thing to rub in the palm of your hand. I don't like to think about it like a wild thing being tamed. Rather, that the rock finds peace, and grace, and some measure of acceptance and even joy within the raging, passionate swirl of water all around them. It might even decide to take up the dance for a while, possibly tumbling along with the flow to a new and unknown place.

A few week-ends ago, this photo was taken by a wonderful photographer named Ubah at Ben's Welcoming Ceremony. Grandparents, uncles and aunts, children, neighbours, congregants, new and old friends, elders and A and I each placed one of these rocks or shells into the bowl. We made special promises to him and and each other that we would raise him as a village, teaching him to be thoughtful and appreciate the wonders of life, helping to shoulder whatever burdens we or he may face. As the Unitarian minister poured the "waters of life" into and around the rocks, she spoke these words, "Like a river rock, this whole community has a role to play in shaping this child." Many songs were sung together and to him. Wendy sang these words she wrote, "From baby, to boy, to man...," about the sacred cycle of Ben's life and how the Goddess cradles him throughout. But then She has the force of nature and some 4 Billion years of practice behind Her! If not for the daily nothings of rocking and wipes and tears, then there are the visions of school and puberty and grandchildren! I want to be a strong riverbed for my beautiful family, home to a steady stream, not the maddening drought I've been.

A and I have taken the time since then to walk our talk and be the river we aspire to for him. It has been a tough walk and a hard conversation; deep things have been tapped. But rich things. And we've taken steps to nurture each of our relationships, but especially mine with Ben. Even a few days of more holding, more touching, more attention have made a difference. And through him, I access her, for now. They are still one, though his "self" matures each day as it leans forward, fearlessly. He is an amazing teacher.

E