Relationship Tests

Any pregnancy likely triggers conflict. Take one hormonal, bloated, cranky, hungry, sleep-deprived and nauseous woman and add one partner who, from the pleasure of sympathetic hormone reactions and her own issues may be some or all of the above (not to mention nursing a kind of twisted jealousy). Top it all off with the heavy luggage of years of helpless anger, heavy expense and monthly broken hearts. OOph! We’re in the 2^nd trimester now, and things are somewhat gentler. We are starting to get excited. I went shopping!!!!!! [please note, the baby store was closing, so…]. I wanted to post this email I wrote to A a few weeks ago, after a tough day of A feeling anxious and worrying about what this pregnancy could do to us:

“Remember how strong we are. Partnership is like muscles and the more you work them out the stronger they get, the more resilient, the better able to carry us long distances or to climb over mountains. We have been attending a seriously boot-camp style relationship gym for a long time, and we have nourished ourselves and taken breaks and all the things you need to be able to keep going. I believe that’s why it worked this time, from our commitment to rest and re-connection. That being said, we don’t want any injuries and so we need to take reasonable precautions. We need to be sensitive to each other while also being patient with each other’s not always being as sensitive as possible. We need to do special things together and talk about other topics (with each other and others, once we start talking). We are not this, it is part of us. Part of the many steps in our wild and wondrous journey. As Pema Chodron writes:

The essence of life is that it’s challenging. Sometimes it is sweet, and sometimes it is bitter. Sometimes your body tenses, and sometimes it relaxes and opens. Sometimes you have a headache, and sometimes you feel 100% healthy. From an awakened perspective, trying to tie up all the loose ends and finally get it together is death, because it involves rejecting a lot of your basic experience.

I have that up at work. It helps me remember that life is not supposed to be easy, it's supposed to be interesting. I also have one up about wanting to experience my true potential for love, which this next chapter in our lives will help!! I love you. Can you endeavor to set aside as many worries and anxieties as possible and have faith? In us, in your body. You need to be feeding your soul right now too. Embrace the goddess of creation within, see your mentors everywhere in nature. We’ll have more fun that way!”

E