Thirteen days until we find out whether Ben will be a big brother to a little girl or boy. I guess we’re telling everyone this time eh? I know the surprise can make labour worth it, but I think the baby itself will make labour worth it (plus the delicious oxytocin/endorphin rush), and darn it, I don’t want to wait to know! I normally like to look at gifts, all beautifully wrapped, for AGES longer than an anxious child would. Somehow, this is different. It is certainly a gift, though its impact is so much larger. Should it be? I wish I wasn’t mired in the sex preference game, thinking it would be fun to have a daughter next. Sex and gender have been the media darlings this past year or so with baby Storm being born. Many good questions are being discussed. I have every reason to be an enlightened mama in this area. But folks, this goes deep, way beyond reason.
Ben looks truly fabulous in pink, especially dark rose, though men are thankfully reclaiming the pink spectrum. When we put him in girlie onesies though, you know, the ones with frills, or cutesy pictures on them, it was like working out a muscle not to think I was holding my baby girl. And vice versa about truck tees, or so moms of girls tell me. It’s a crap-shoot. The truth is we are having a human child, a precious piece of the Mystery, with all the potential of the universe within them. All the hugs and lullabies and pureed carrots will be the same. The yummy baby smell, the little fingers grasping ours, the awesome aubergine stroller for two. What this child will become is unknown, regardless of their bio-bits. The best we can hope for is to provide balanced opportunities and to nurture the soul that happens to come through me with reverence and commitment. Do I love me some red corduroy dresses with rainbows on them? I won’t deny it. But the same in overall form would be adorable. And some sparkly magenta leg warmers? Some boys I know are rocking those… Why this pull for mothers to have daughters? Is it just media hype and “chicken soup for the soul” sentimentality? Don’t many daughter/mothers combos clash? Don’t boys stay devoted to their moms? Don’t boys often bond better as brothers, than bro and sis? It’s physical in one sense, being able to relate to similar bodies, and spiritual in another sense, the passing on of womanly mysteries down the maternal line. But perhaps it’s time to open up our too frequently woman-only spiritual spaces, embrace the vulnerability that invites and launch with courage into the world of gods and green men. I bet we’ll come out the richer for it! Either way, baby boy or girl, we win. Either way, I am on my knees in gratitude as this wonder. Bring on the ultrasound! I think I’m ready.